IPL 2024 Dramaverse | The Real Divas of Mannat Season 1 Episode 1 – Dhoni Theatrics sideline Bunny Bangalore
Welcome to the Real Divas of Mannat, a show where Kolkata’s best shed their on-field Knight Riders avatar to indulge in their guilty pleasures. In today’s episode, the cameras chronicle Gautam Gambhir’s men struggling for the spotlight despite extending their overwhelming record against bunnies RCB.
“Korbo, lorbo, jeetbo re, korbo lorbo re, jeetbo ree, jeetbo reeee!”
The Mannat had rarely been this lively in recent memory. A strong cohort of 25 players and as many support staff soaked in the hysterical atmosphere with delirium, riding high on the fumes of success. Mostly alcohol actually, but success definitely played a role too.
“Guys, please take your seats in front of the big screen please, we need to get rolling now. We’ll be playing the highlights package of today’s victory at the Chinnaswamy,” the third time’s the charm, the producer reckoned.
“Karenge, ladenge, jeetenge, jeet jayenge, jeetengee, jeetengeee!”
Clearly, he was far off the mark.
“Gauti, step in please. I’m tired of banging this wooden spoon of the class, we need to get back on top of things.”
*cough* “Well done boys, let’s celebrate now by reliving the triumph. I’ll be back from the cold storage with a couple of mangoes, hopefully we’ll all be settled in nicely by then.”
By the time Gambhir had turned around, the dance floor and bar counter had been emptied quicker than the Eden Gardens after a loss.
“Wish I had done that 23 freaking minutes ago.”
“We’re rolling… aaand action!”
“KKR taking on RCB… a little while ago, Ravi Shastri was in the middle with the captains…he does it again, tries it again, AND HE’S OUT! HARSHIT RANA STRIKES BACK!”
“Spool that back, SPOOL THAT BACK!” Gambhir came running back into the room.
“That was Faf du Plessis who got out brodie,” Dre Russ stated matter of factly.
“Oh nevermind, carry on.”
“...ALL THE WAY! Just a little flick of the wrist from VIRAT…”
“Why are we watching this filler? Let’s just skip to the relevant parts,” Gambhir's voice echoed again.
“Sooo… should we skip the entire first innings?”
“N-no, I mea- ugh,whatever.”
“Piece-to-camera 1. Gautam Gambhir, take 1, cameras rolling… aand action!”
“Gautam, we saw you embrace with Virat during the Strategic Timeout. What was the conversation like between the two of you?
“I just congratulated him on his son, and then thanked him for doing a commendable job in setting the team up for yet another failure.”
“Two games, two wins, do you think this is finally the year when the Purple Army turns things around?”
“That’s a silly question, you should have concurred so already when news broke of my return. Anyway, my job’s more or less done already. One team which I wanted to beat every time and probably in my dreams was RCB. Probably the second-most high-profile and flamboyant team. The owner and the squad with Faf du Plessis and Virat Kohli and Glenn Maxwell. Not won anything, still thought they won everything. Can’t take that kind of an attitude.”
“The three best wins KKR has had were against RCB. The first game of the IPL, Brendon McCullum against the RCB. 49 all out, RCB. 6-overs 100, probably the only time in the IPL that in the first 6 overs, 100 was scored. We always knew that they were a very strong side and probably the most aggressive batting unit as well. One thing I would love to have is again go on the cricket field and beat RCB, but I guess watching it from the sidelines shall suffice for now. Worth sacrificing my political career for any day of the we–”
“G-GOT IT, got it, thanks Gauti!”
“...And it’s over the boundary for six! He finishes it off for Kolkata Knight Riders, Shreyas Iyer, they have come out *convincing* winners here…”
“Welcome to the show, Shreyas. Thoughts on the win and the season so far?”
“Yeah, it was a good one. We definitely don’t have the best – I mean the most talente– STRIKE THAT, we definitely don’t have the most experienced team but great to be top-of-the-table early doors. Young talents like” *checks notes* “Suyansh have been instrumental to the team's success for sure.”
“Looks like the King has arrived, I’ll let you join the group, thanks skipper!”
“Great game day before boys!” Shahrukh’s ever-charismatic voice echoed in his hallowed home.
“That was as comprehensive a performance as performances come! That was a brilliant match-winning knock Gauti– oh, he’s a coach now, ofcourse ofcourse haha I was just kidding. Jokes apart, great batting there Rinku, I saw you in the end there sticking till the victory was ours – YOU UNCULTURED CRICKET ROOKIES DON’T REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF FIVE BALLS AND FIVE RUNS, WE COULD HAVE COLLAPSED AND LOST IF NOT FOR HIM–”
“U-Uhm, than-thanks Shahrukh for inspiring the team with your brilliant words! It really means a lot to them to be graced by the King of Bollywood’s presence, especially when they have risen to the top of the table!”
“WAIT, we are top of the table? WOW, BRILLIANT!” Khan’s face immediately lit up with a 100-watt smile.
“Remove this crap and get the news on, my face– I mean the team must be all over the media front pages and headlines, AWESOME!”
“You are watching India Today! Welcome to the sports segment, and no prizes for guessing that the story today is all about India’s World Cup winning captain MS Dhoni’s grand return to the crease…”
“Where are you going Shahru– some work’s come up for the King guys, he’ll be back with you all in a jiffy!”
“...having finally come out to bat in CSK’s third game, the veteran struck three gorgeous sixes in a vintage knock to remain unbeaten on 37 and leave Chepauk grooving like never before! Almost exactly 13 years on from that fateful night, it was like that 2011 final all over again…”
“Welcome back to the hot seat, Gauti. We saw some emotions come over your face when the news was on. Did you get a chance to watch what is being called a “typical, vintage” Dhoni innings earlier this evening?”
“Hah! It was typical, indeed! Typical how he took all the credit while sidelining the 10 – in fact, 11 other players that also took the field for Chennai that day and toiled their butts off to try and secure the team a result. Typical how he ensured restraint until a victory was well beyond reach and then hogged all the limelight by some meaningless shots played with terrible technique! This Whistle Podu or Yellow Army or whatever is no less than a CULT, I tell ya! Bunch of losers going crazy after a fricking colour like some SoBo divas! Honestly, all you media guys are the same too, always placing the man on a pedestal, GET THIS NONSENSE EQUIPMENT OFF ME–”
“Welcome to the show, Chandrakant. Before we get into the game, we wanted to get your thoughts on this clip.”
“...man on a pedestal…”
“Wow. I mean, that does sound a lot like Gauti’s political caree–”
“CUT, CUT!”
The players had all dispersed towards the buffet room to satiate their hunger hoping to bring the night to a peaceful end. Shahrukh had agreed to join them after incessant carolling by the producers and had been allotted a seat next to Australian gun Mitchell Starc.
“I must say SRK, your house is gorgeous! Those high ceilings and the view of the sea are out of this world!”
“Ah, you’re being too kind, it ain’t much but it’s honest work.”
“I was thinking of buying a similar mansion after the auction –thanks, by the way. What do you reckon’s the value of this place, I can definitely afford one no?”
“Yeah sure, it is that easy to buy one for sure. Just a MEASLY 200 crores.”
“Oh! I reckon a couple more auctions then before I get one given the way the player prices have been inflating.”
“Hahaha, yes ofcourse. I mean it might have happened already if you were not such a lazy ass and played one IPL every decade but yes sure, sure. By the way, going by your performances so far, I suspect getting a house like this might take you seven more lifetimes instead.”
The sudden change in tone bewildered Starc. He did not even realize when the humility and kindness had melted into arrogant sternness. No more words were uttered at the dinner table thereafter.
“Finally we got a hold of you! Welcome Sunil, I’m a big fan. What has it been like to don the KKR jersey for the last 10 years now?”
“It has been brilliant.”
“Is that it- um, okay. The RCB game was your 500th T20, must have felt great to celebrate the landmark with that knock!”
“Felt great.”
“What do you think of the current lot of players, is the squad good enough to lift the title?”
“Hmm.”
“Oh for fu– VENKY! OVER HERE! Thanks Sunil, was a *pleasure* to have you! Thanks for coming over Mr. Mysore. As CEO, you have made KKR the third most successful team in the league! Any regrets along the way?”
“Yeah, it’s been a beautiful journey. No regrets I would say but I definitely would have loved to win the Fair Play award at least once. Hopefully 2024 is finally going to be the year– what are you doing, Harshit? WHY ARE YOU BLOWING KISSES AGAIN? PANDIT, STOP CUTTING UP VARUN WITH THOSE SCISSORS–”
“CUT! CUT! AND THAT’S A WRAP!”